If you were to of asked me 60 days ago who my true friends are, and where I knew I was going in life, I was 100% confident that I knew.
Now? I couldn’t. With the exception of one, I trust no one. I don’t know what I want to do with my life. Recent events have turned my life upside down. Every day is a new struggle. I’m trying to find myself again, I was so lenient on people for so long, that I lost myself. I’m re-learning what I thought I knew I liked. I’m re-learning who I am. For the first time in about 10 years, I’m alone. Truly alone. I’ve put so many in front of my myself for so long, I’ve forgotten what it’s been like to appease myself first. I now have complete control over my time and myself, and it’s terrifying me.
I don’t know how to be alone. I don’t have a good relationship with anyone from my family. The little friends I have left in SD are busy with their own lives, and the one that I thought I had has decided to treat me like shit, all because his new girlfriend doesn’t like me.
I don’t deserve this. From now on, it’s myself before everyone else. Fuck ‘em if it pisses them off. I’ve put up with this mistreatment for too long. I’m no longer keeping my mouth shut about this. I refuse.
Sometimes, love isn’t enough. This, I have learned.